I am tired, weary in my soul. I have a longing for my sons like you just wouldn't believe. Each day that passes, the hope that I will be with Joseph on his 7th birthday passes quietly with it. I know, it will be over soon. They will be home and my arms and my hands will be full, but it's not ENOUGH for this Mama's heart.
7 birthdays is too many to spend without being a part of a family. My heart aches for my boys. Eli, Julie and I were talking about the boys on the way home tonight and Eli said, "He'll get to be the boy he was always meant to be." He was talking about his brother, the one, who is not everything God created him to be. The one, who has spent years and years alone and lonely. My heart cries, that it's not ENOUGH.
God, hear my heart's cry. Let your grace wash over me, anew. Meet me in this place of not knowing the whys, of not loving the timing. Find me here in this place of discontent, longing for MORE. Hold me together and let new mercies greet me tomorrow. It's not always pretty, but it's real.
The promise is beauty for ashes, but to find the beauty, we must first be refined by the fire. The fire is not fun, the process is painful, but JOY comes in the morning.