This week has been emotional for me. When we committed to bringing "K" home, there was a whirlwind of initial paperwork and fundraising that HAD to happen. Now, the dust has settled and the hard work of getting her home has begun. I've always attempted to be honest here, so here goes. My "flesh" does not want to be doing this. I want the end reward of having "K" home, but not the effort and sacrifice that comes along the way. How pathetic is that?
It is. I know, it is. I keep reminding myself and Marty as I whine about paperwork, phone calls and fundraising, that this is NOT about me. It is a privilege to be the hands and feet of Jesus, to serve as parents to our precious children, to answer the call to care for the orphans. I'm praying for my JOY to be restored and my focus to be renewed. When I'm having days or weeks like this, there's only one place I know to go for help.
I open up my Word to Hebrews 12:1-3 and I find these words...
Do you see what this means-all the pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running-and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sin. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed-that exhilarating finish in and with God-he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls.
So many have walked and are walking harder paths, than I am. God called our family to a simple task of loving children. Loving children is one of the easiest things God could ask of us. If the love of Christ is on the inside of us, then we love. Then, I turn my thoughts to the cross of Christ, to the ugly, dirty, blood-filled place where Jesus died for me and I am saddened by my lack of perseverance. I am unworthy, but I serve a God who has made me worthy. If I want to share in His resurrection power, I must, first and foremost, be willing to share in his suffering. Let's be real, the paperwork, fundraising, phone calls are really not a hardship, nothing compared to the cross. So, I press on with my eyes focused on Jesus, the perfecter of my faith.
If you hear me whine, please, correct me. My girl is worth the effort and I want to be joyful in my efforts to do this Kingdom work. I need only to reset my focus on the life and cross of Jesus and then, I can press onward toward my goal.
It is a privilege to serve!
Pray, Adopt, Advocate, Support...Do Something!
Hidden in Christ,
Mandy
Mandy, I think the fundraising part is what mostly makes the process daunting. Really check in with God to see if you wants you doing so much leg work, or if He really just wants you to trust Him for it. I can't say one way or the other, it is different for each family for each adoption but I know I have found myself wearing myself out about putting in the elbow grease to "assist" in making it happen and found that the weight was lifted and the blessing poured out when I just sat at the feet of Jesus and trusted Him. You don't "owe it" to anyone to be doing all this fundraising work. Don't let the enemy convince you of lies that your should feel bad or guilty to sit back and trust God (all while being a good steward and remaining in prayer so you will get up and move if He tells you to). What would give God more glory, you working so hard on fundraisers and the reaching the financial goals that way, or trusting God will provide when you need it and letting Him do that without you getting in the way? One of the hardest things for me was thinking that I would hit delays if I didn't have the funds...I had to hand that over to Jesus. We haven't hit any delays because of funds though! And if we did, I'd have to trust that God would have a purpose for it. Again, if He calls me to get up and fundraise, I need to be obedient to that but I I'm betting anything your exhaustion is coming from doing all the hard work that God may not be calling you to do.
ReplyDeleteBless your heart, Mandy. I could have written the post myself if I was being honest. I struggle with the paperwork and the waiting of adoption. Thank you for putting it into words!
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