Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Struggle

I held him down as they inserted the needle. The needle that would draw blood to run tests to ultimately help him be healthier. He fought. He struggled with everything in him. He didn't make it seven years in an orphanage without a whole lot of fight in him. All through the struggle, I held him. I spoke softly to him and told him how proud I was of him and how much I loved him. Everything in me wanted to say, "Enough! Stop! You're hurting him." I didn't because I knew...

I knew that the struggle was not in vain. I knew that we were fighting together for a healthier tomorrow. I knew that what was being done to him was ultimately for his good. I knew, we all had good intentions and that the results were necessary...life giving, even.

As I made the long drive home, alone with my boys. I listened as Samuel struggled in the backseat. He didn't want to be strapped into his car seat. He's never been strapped in before. He was angry and hurt that I wouldn't let him out. Again, I knew the pain was necessary and ultimately for his good. I spoke kindly and reassured him that the seat was necessary...life giving, even.

I listened and I heard God say, "Do you see it? Do you hear it? Do you know?"

How often have I struggled through something? Fought against God's plan with everything in me. How often has He wanted to say, "Enough! Stop! You're hurting her." Why didn't He? He didn't because He knew. He knew the pain was not without purpose. He knew the end result would be worth the struggle. He knew...

All the while, I fight Him, knowing that if I stopped, I'd hear Him. I'd feel Him. He's holding me close and whispering life giving words, foundational words, words of love and kindness. He's holding me tenderly and if I'd stop fighting long enough, I may even be able to look Him in the eyes and know that He is there. He is there! He is there on the road less traveled. He is there on the waves of a stormy sea. He is there in the midst of every struggle. He doesn't stop the struggle. He allows us to fight and be angry and look at him with eyes full of misunderstanding. Eyes that don't see...the pain is not without purpose...the discipline is necessary...life giving, even.

If you're fighting with everything in you, today, please know it's not without a purpose. His plans for us are good. His intentions are that our faith would be complete, not lacking anything. We must go through the fire with Him. I believe, if we'll just be still and know...we will find Jesus is right there with us.

Hidden in Christ,


  1. I am honored to be part of your journey, if only but from afar. Thank you for sharing the lessons you are learning, as they are growing my heart as well.

    1. Thanks, Laurie. I hope you are encouraged when you come here. I am always encouraged when I read about you and Nevin :) I love seeing all the things he's accomplished and is accomplishing. It's just a small glimpse of what my boys can be one day. Blessings!